Posted April 6, 2021 by and Kseniya Minchuk

When you are a middle-aged woman

When you are a middle-aged woman, you do not believe in fairy tales, although sometimes you really want to. You are pragmatic and practical, but at the same time buying another unnecessary thing is still a favorite pastime.

You don’t need advice from women’s magazines. You are your own magazine and can give advice on almost any issue, but you do not do it, because who needs this responsibility.

You are often called a witch, but in reality, your foresight is just an experience.

When you are given a compliment, you are no longer embarrassed and shyly tilt your head, but you look into your eyes and say, “thank you”, and in your head “I know myself”.

You always know what to do. There is no such situation that would put you into a stupor. Even the lack of your favorite chocolate bar in the supermarket.

You know how to dress nicely and warmly. I learned. Finally. Mom is not worried about your health.

When you are a middle-aged woman, you know when they lie to you. You just know. And here, perhaps, there is still something about the witch. I don’t know if this is good or not. Sometimes you still want to be “deceived” and not know the truth.


And most importantly, you are finally YOU. You know your pros and cons, you have reconciled and made friends with the latter. And if you still don’t love yourself, it’s time to do it.


So, I think now. But only 3 years ago I was just a wife and just a mother. I took care of my family, our house, comfort, and the body of mutual relations. I was a “correct” and good woman-hostess. My husband protected me in every possible way, gave me everything I needed, took care of me. I felt comfortable and calm. I knew that I was protected, and I was not afraid of anything.


At some point, this calm began to bore me, and I decided that our life requires variety and colors. To which my husband replied: “Why do you need this? Everything is good anyway. ” I thought, “Really. What have I come up with for myself?” But for some reason, the thought of this did not leave me. I wanted to go back to work, and they gladly accepted me there. To which my husband said: “Why do you need this? Everything is good anyway.” Then I thought: “Why can’t I do what I want?” But still, she accepted the opinion of her husband.


Thoughts of self-realization never left me. I constantly thought about what to do so that everyone would be good, namely my husband. Because he is the most important point, a starting point, from his opinion I must always start from. All my ideas had to be approved by him. I decided to start knitting. I was good at it. There were many orders and satisfied customers who wrote and said how great I am and that I have talent. To which my husband was angry and said: “Maybe it’s enough to knit until the night. The day is not enough for you? ” And yes, I stopped knitting when he went to bed. And since we must fall asleep together, I put off my affairs and also went to bed.


I dreamed about my business, reflected on my success, and did not understand why my closest person did not support me. Everyone around me was praising me, but he wasn’t even happy about my success. They began to invite me to exhibitions. He was terribly mad that there were so many people around me, and he could not control my communication with them. And at some point, he said: “Finish with your knitting! You don’t have time to be a good housewife. ” And he forbade me to go to exhibitions.


This was a watershed moment. This was the beginning of the end of our family and the beginning of my personal beginning. I realized that this man sees nothing in me except the woman who belongs to him. I am his wife! And the point! This is his only correct opinion. Not subject to discussion. A wife who has no right to her opinion and self-realization.


And I am not just a wife and a woman, and even more so I do not belong to anyone. I am a person (quite strong, as it turned out), who for some reason fell asleep, preserved myself, limited myself to the role that he assigned to me. He surrounded me with a sense of stability and security, which turned out to be a “golden cage”. Oh Gods, how many women are trapped in this cage.


I left him. It was long, hard, and difficult. He could not understand why did not give me peace, demanded explanations, but when he received them, he said that this was nonsense and that it was impossible. He tried to get me back but returning there is not my way.


Abuse. It is not just beatings and fights, restriction of physical freedom, or threats. Psychological violence against a person is one of the most terrible of its types because it is difficult to show and prove. Often, the victim herself does not understand that she is a victim. She thinks that she should do this (so she was told). It seems that it is from love. BUT NO! A person is absolutely free in his desires and actions. No one can forbid him to do as he sees fit. And if this happens, think about whether you are loved.


Now I am a successful journalist, studying the topic of violence and gender equality, writing a book, and raising a son who will absolutely respect the opinion of his partner and love all their manifestations. Freedom is the main thing that each of us has.


When you are a free person, no matter what age, you are not afraid to say NO when you are not comfortable, profitable, or about one hundred no desire.

You are not afraid to say YES when you just want something.

When you are a free person, no matter what age, you are finally YOU. You know your pros and cons, you have reconciled and made friends with the latter. And if you still don’t love yourself, it’s time to do it.

By Kseniya Minchuk

About the author

Kseniya Minchuk

Journalist, sportswoman, activist. Explores the topic of violence and gender inequality. Dreams of having a degree in psychology. Writes a book about women and how they can survive in this world. Supports zero-waste movement. Stands for honesty and warm hugs. AGAINST fake and fatty mayo!

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