Posted June 7, 2021 by firstname.lastname@example.org and Kseniya Minchuk
Not beautiful is beautiful
About the author
One gorgeously beautiful friend of mine is sure that all her problems in her personal life are due to her crooked (actually rather say slender) legs. Another friend of mine wants to fix her perfectly flat nose because it makes her face asymmetrical. And the third decided that she has fat fingers on her hands and was happily suffering from this. Because they are supposedly like sausages! Well, all my youth I dreamed of putting braces in order to align the front dentition because I look like a hare. That’s why I didn’t really like taking pictures. And smiled, hiding my teeth. Although I loved to laugh and did it very often.
Where do we all get these stupid complexes? And why do we believe in them as the truth? Of course, it’s all in the head. And, naturally, from childhood. We’ve read fairy tales about princes on white horses who fall in love only with beauties. I’ve seen plenty of perfect images on Pinterest. Heard enough comparisons with the daughter of a neighbor (how smart she is, an excellent student, and just perfect in everything and “take an example from her”).
And also, popular nowadays, bullying and body shaming.
Body shaming is one of the most common and very dangerous forms of discrimination. Inconsistency with generally accepted “beauty standards”. What the fu#k? Who came up with these beauty standards? This is the purest subjectivism that has no justification. Someone loves blondes, someone – redheads. Well, love yourself, to your health. Why are those you dislike considered ugly? And why hasn’t it dawned on people that each person is inherently unique? His appearance is unique. We don’t have to be all the same. We’re not in a Barbie doll factory. Thank God. Hate them.
Now, if all this is eradicated at the very beginning of our development, perhaps we have a chance for a happier society. All our complexes associated with appearance, for the most part, we get by studying at school. Children are very cruel. Unknowingly (or deliberately) inflict trauma with which they have to live. Long. Once one of my classmates said: “You should play a hare on stage. Without a mask. There are teeth. Are you ready”. And that’s it! Done! The complex is at your service for life.
How can a normal, ordinary girl grow up in a society that constantly puts pressure on her? Pressures with stories about how and when it should be. Now you are an obedient daughter, then you are a diligent student, later an ambitious student with honors, and in the end, you are an ideal wife and mother. What should a good wife and mother be able to do? Is there a specific set of traits that an ideal woman should have? Who has? Buy it! Two! I will put one in a frame on the dresser, the second I will always carry with me.
The ideal woman – who is she? Beautiful, tall, stately, with a snow-white smile, well-groomed skin, and hair, in a beautiful dress, stands at the stove. She cooks soup, stews a vegetable stew, bakes a pie in the oven. The house is clean, light, and comfortable, happy children are running around, the husband/wife sits at the table and reads the newspaper, looks at all this, and smiles. His/her wife comes up to him with a cup of tea, kisses him, and goes into the garden to prune roses. So? That’s her?
Or is the ideal woman a happy woman? Just happy in the shower. She is what she wants. She chooses her own path. She herself decides whether to be the director of a large enterprise, to raise three children, to count dolphins on the ocean shore, or to grow cabbage in her garden in the village. She knows what she wants and does it with pleasure. And most importantly, she loves herself. Just for the fact that she is, and not for the correct facial features or some kind of achievement.
Nobody cares deeply what your nose, ankles, fingers, knees, etc. are like. People only see how you feel. And then the question arises, the main question of every girl-girl-woman is how to make friends with herself?
To look at yourself in the mirror and say to your reflection: “I am beautiful”, “I have so many ADVANTAGES”, “I will succeed in EVERYTHING”? Reward yourself for achievement, praise, and pamper?
Dear psychologists, do not tell us: “love yourself the way you are”, tell us specifically – HOW TO DO IT?
I’m not a psychologist (yet). But I’m a woman! A woman who has experienced childhood trauma and becoming herself. All my life I fought for the right to be myself. I was not understood and condemned. But I was not scared. For some reason, I knew exactly that I was right. I am a woman who has accepted myself and has almost completely fallen in love. It took me 36 long and difficult years. I am a woman who does not need lists and rules of “what an ideal hostess should be”. I know exactly who I am and I know exactly which way to head.
And if you are reading this now and you think “damn, this is about me”, listen to my personal advice – make your flaw (which you absolutely surely invented for yourself) your own peculiarity! Let it be your highlight, your chip, your identity. Accept yourself completely. Not “here I am good, but I will fix this.” No! Everything! Completely!
I never got braces on, and I never got my teeth aligned. I love to laugh and I do it very often. I also became a journalist and now photography and filming are an integral part of my interesting and eventful life. And yes, I look like a hare, but very cute!
And to my future daughter, I will definitely say: “Honey, you are beautiful!”